Feeling a bit better about it all

Yesterday was actually ok.  I didn't do perfectly like I wanted (that is the perfectionist in me talking) but I did ok.  Today, almost feels doable. I peeked at the scale and I was down two pounds, which tells me that I didn't pour the calories in as much and am doing ok.  I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

This is IT!

I've put my foot down.  305.5 and no more.  Am I crazy?  Why do I do this to myself?  Instead of beating myself up, I am going to just get on with it and do something about it AGAIN.  Today is the dawn of a new day.  I want to feel better and fit better into my clothes to begin with.  After that, I can worry about going down in sizes.  I have got to show some restraint.  God, give me the power to control myself with food today, the entire day!

40 and a day...a new start

Yesterday I turned 40.  I told myself when I turned 39 I would be fit and trim for my 40th birthday.  FAIL.  Although I have lost some of my weight, I have been screwing around for months.  Last year, on my 39th birthday I was 331 pounds, this year I am 300 pounds.  It sounds great, but the low I hit this past year was 257, so I have gain more than 40 pounds back.  YUCK!  I don't want to be this fat mother anymore.  I want to be able to inspire my children to be active and eat well.  I want to feel good when I am around my husband, not huge. I want to walk and talk with confidence again.  I want people to notice and talk to me and not act like I am invisible.  I don't want to have to buy 3x or 4x clothing. I hate this.

So, this is my pledge.  I want to focus on my health and get fit AGAIN.  And more importantly, stay that way.  I need some accountability.

Kris